Videos from The Football Ramble
“You won’t see a prettier goal scored than that one right there.”
If this is what US football fans have to listen to on a game-by-game basis, there’s a serious risk that when Keys and Gray turn up looking for work (which they invariably will when the Al Jazeera thing goes tits up), they could be mistaken for knowledgeable, incisive and relevant pundits.
We must warn the American people. Warn them all.
By Kelly Welles
The mayhem begins at 0.49, folks.
Last day of the season. 95 minutes on the clock. Ulsan Hyundai are two points clear of closest rivals Pohang Steelers in the K-League Classic and with score at 0-0, look certain to take the title for the first time since 2005. With two strikers suspended for Ulsan, it’s been a tight, defensive performance but if they can just clear the last gasp free kick awarded to Pohang in the final seconds of the game, they’ll be home n’ hosed.
What follows is a carnival of goal mouth confusion, flailing limbs and wild-eyed panic, the like of which is rarely seen outside electrical stores on Black Friday. Fourteen outfield players swinging everything at anything, their only hope that when they finally do make contact, it won’t be to assist the ball in the wrong direction and incur the wrath of several thousand screaming fans.
The goalkeeper is helpless in the face of such an onslaught and the inevitable goal is scored, leaving him bereft and Pohang in front. When the final whistle blows the stadium explodes, with Ramble Forum-ite Vincelot claiming that the displays of joy interspersed with disbelief and abject horror are so hysterical, the game “replace[s] Watford v Leicester as the official definition of the word ‘scenes’”.
Fellow Hall of Famer Dikiyama takes it further, claiming that ‘scenes’ is no longer a strong enough descriptor and should, without further delay, be replaced with ‘Pohang’.
Some big shouts there, Ramblers. Watch the footage and let us know if you think either of these claims are justified, or perhaps go one better and suggest some further alternatives. The thread is here and any word wrangling that inspires us may be considered for inclusion in the next edition of ‘Literally, Ruud: A Ramblers Guide to Football Terminology’.
By Kelly Welles
Is he working his way through some sort of I-Spy book? Because according to our calculations, the only type of goal that has so far eluded Zlatan is the infamous perineum goal. He’s also quite possibly the only human being on the planet with the audacity to try it and the skill to score it.
By Kelly Welles
If it’s good enough for Shark Week, it’s good enough for Lionel Messi. That seems to be the thinking at adidas anyway, who for the latest iteration of their Messi endorsed adizero F50 range, shoehorned the diminutive Barca frontman into an LED light festooned lycra suit, handed him a glitterball and chucked him back into his natural environment with a view to monitoring his movements.
He might look like a bit odd with the lights on, but it’s got to be better than being shot with a dart.
Rather than the usual tedious footage of a large fish meandering around local beaches unnerving bathers, which might not sell truckloads of boots, they ended up with this video of The World’s Best Player™.
Shot at 1000 frames per second, it gives us a glimpse into the mechanics of Messi’s game – the flow, movement and balance that, under normal circumstances, seem to defy the laws of physics.
It’s pretty awesome. We’ve been watching it for hours now. In between episodes of Sharkpocalypse, obviously.
And if young Xherdan’s execrable honking into a mic wasn’t enough to propel you headlong into a wild weekend, watch here as Nicolas Anelka struggles to contain himself during his unveiling as a West Brom player.
We can’t imagine what’s troubling poor Nicky. Did he disagree with the series of posing locations selected by officials, which appear to include a non-league club’s changing room, a disused recreation ground and a car park? Perhaps the breeze was offending him, as it gently teased the hemline of his smart new shirt?
He should be having a blinding time. It’s not possible to be the ‘out of favour’ striker at West Brom while Peter Odemwingie remains on the playing staff and he’s sporting one of the finest interpretations of the Ramble patented Baldy Baldy Beard Beard look ever seen in the West Midlands.
Come on, Nico, you’re living in a Boing-Boing wonderland now! Give us a smile!
H/T to @Jack5on5000 for the spot.