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The confluence of events enabling Luis Suarez to be banned from both international and club football for such a significant period of time that his first game back would be against his new club’s arch rivals was so serendipitous, we almost believed that Pepe would have taken anger management classes, just to counterbalance fate.

realroma

Thankfully, we don’t have that kind of influence over world events just yet. And the Portuguese madman has once again proved he’s as capable as ever of getting into rows, offering hope that his encounter with Suarez in October will be the meaty affair we’re all secretly hoping for.

pepe

Last night, Seydou Keita refused to shake Pepe’s hand prior to Madrid’s friendly against Roma in Dallas; a move that has been linked back to an unpleasant incident between the pair in a Supercopa game back in 2011, when Keita accused Pepe of calling him a ‘monkey’.

Keita then threw a bottle of water at Pepe, narrowly missing the defender’s head, but provoking El Clasico-esque scenes between the players.

 
At some time during the festivities a football match broke out, Sergio Ramos got nutmegged (2.26) and Fransceco Totti scored the decisive goal.

Best fighting trousers on, Ramblers! The real El Clasico is going to be a barnstormer this year.

Assuming Pepe doesn’t get himself a ban. That’d be suitably ironic.

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By Kelly Welles

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Images: larepublica, Twitter.

Liverpool, Barcelona, Real Madrid, Roma, Luis Suarez, Francesco Totti

 
Norrkoping striker Alhaji Kamara responded to a second yellow and subsequent red card in his side’s Allsvenskan fixture vs. Orebro yesterday by running off the pitch, screaming his little heart out.

No idea why. It’s not as if Kenny Pavey was after him.

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By Kelly Welles

Kenny Pavey, Allsvenskan, Orebro, Norrkoping, Alhaji Kamara

 
A long, relaxed, slow up-yours to Jurgen Klinsmann from the USMNT’s out of favour striker.

Nice work, Landy. Although if you’ve got that much time on your hands, you should probably consider upgrading to a PS4. The resolution on your World Cup winning goal would then be as sharp as the point you’re making.

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By Kelly Welles

usmnt, Landon Donovan

 
There’s going to come a time in your World Cup experience when you have to explain to someone who doesn’t watch football why there are people rioting outside the stadia. Why the population of Brazil, known for their passionate love of the game, are protesting against its most prestigious tournament being held in their country. Basically, you’re going to have to explain why everybody hates FIFA.

This, by former Daily Show contributor John Oliver, should help.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T @lozil.

FIFA, World Cup 2014

 
Yep. The referee ruled there had been no infringment and Ashad Ali Adubarey’s pelanty stood, enabling the Maldives to beat Afghanistan and sneak third place in the 2014 AFC Challenge Cup.

Neymar will be all over this.

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By Kelly Welles

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H/T guardian.

 

Ashad Ali Adubarey, Maldives, Afghanistan

 
Oh, and he so nearly made a valid point! It’s a rookie mistake on a topical debate show and you hate to see it.

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By Kelly Welles

QPR, Joey Barton

As we have long suspected, when you give Real Madrid nice things to play with, this is what happens.

On the plus side, photographic evidence reveals that Pepe did not stoop to wearing shinpads for the celebration. Although that might be more to do with the indecent haste with which he disposed of his tracksuit after the final whistle. 

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By Kelly Welles

Real Madrid, Pepe

 
We know the Brazuca is the most tested football ever. Largely because in our capacity as edgy football pundits of the moment, we’ve sat through about 10,000 videos of various people doing just that.

For this reason alone, we can confidently say that this one, featuring rum magnate Captain Morgan and his team of swarthy knaves, is our favourite.

So much so, in fact, that we’re going to save up for a Brazuca, climb into the Ramble-mobile, set a course for a beach and re-enact the whole darn shebang for our (and your) entertainment.

Anyone know where you can rent a cannon by the hour?

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By Kelly Welles

Brazuca, Captain Morgan

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